So the other day I decided I would spend a working day dictated entirely by Google searches, where everything I did between 9am and 5pm would be determined by a search engine query. I documented the day as it passed, and made a note of what searches and results shaped my activities. Enjoy!
9:00 – Woken up by my alarm clock. I’d best Google what the best thing to do first thing in the morning is. This takes me through to a website with someone describing their early morning routine, so I will copy theirs.
9:05 – The first thing I have to do is “wash my face”, then “stare blankly”. I can do that.
9:20 – I stared blankly into space (above) for five minutes to make sure I properly fulfilled the last task. Now to continue following the routine and eat. Simple question for Google this time: “what should I eat for breakfast?” Click the first link, to Yahoo answers, where I am given a very specific breakfast to make:
Eggs, wheat toast, half an orange (or any fruit) and an 8oz glass of milk. Nice.
9:25 – Ok so I have no eggs, and no wheat bread, so will have to go out first. I should probably wear some clothes before I do this… But what to wear? I ask google what clothes I should wear today, and get a page with a quiz: “What colour should you wear today?”
9:27 – I take the quiz and it says I should wear white, in order to gain a “closer connection to God”. I don’t have too many white clothes, so a white T-shirt will have to suffice. Time to go out. Back in a bit.
9:45 Back from shops, need to cook egg. Can’t decide how. Ask Google… Boil it. Nice and easy.
10:20 – Took me a long time to do that. As you can see, I went for an “any fruit” rather than half an orange. Finished now. Slightly odd combination of things but a decent breakfast.
10:21 – Now to continue the routine from before – “brushing the teeth, bathing and all of those…” So that’s pretty straightforward.
10:23 – “Bathing” as a term is a little unclear, so I will have to ask Google: bath or shower? The resounding answer was take a shower. I am a little disappointed.
10:40 Clean as a whistle. You probably wanted a shower shot too didn’t you? You’re not getting it.
10:45 I found this white shirt when i got dressed again, which I think looks a little more Godly than the t-shirt, and therefore adheres more closely to my earlier instructions.
10:46 So now what to do? Well, I have no real plans for today. Best just Google it – “things to do in the morning…”
I find a site saying “20 things to do in the morning to have a good day.” Marvellous. I will try to do them all. Then my day will have a 100% chance of being good…
1. Wake up on time. Done!
2. Take an early morning walk or jog. 10:55 – went on a walk out to the shops again, to buy a newspaper, in anticipation of part 7…
3. Take a shower. Done
4. Take your time getting dressed. Too late now.
5. Eat a good breakfast. It was OK I guess..
6. Drink coffee. 11:10 – got a brew on the go.
7. Read the newspaper. 11:12 – Sat down with brew and newspaper. This is actual bliss.
8. Watch the morning news. 11:13 – Got no TV, so Radio 4 will have to do. It just gets better.
9. Relax a little. 11:40 – Just done that really, but I will have a crack at the G2 Crossword.
10. Clean a little bit. 11:50 – The kitchen is a bit of a mess. Cleany time. This is less good than relaxing with a newspaper.
11. Wake the kids up. Dont have any.
12. Wake your wife up. Dont have one.
13. Pet the dog a while. Dont have one of those either.
14. While driving to work, turn on music you like. 12:15 – Don’t have a car, and I don’t really need to go anywhere for work unless Google says so. I CAN put on music I like though. So I did that.
15. Try not to get pulled over. Trying my best.
16. Take your time driving to work. If I did drive, I would.
17. Arriving at work. I am working aren’t I?
18. Walk into work happy! And I am happy.
19. Speak to a close friend. 12:20 – Called up Ben. Had a good five minute chat. He’s at the science museum.
20. And finally, have the right mindset. Always.
So there’s the morning’s activities… More to follow in part 2.