So after the critically acclaimed Google Day, I thought I should probably try the same experiment with its closest search engine rival, Microsoft’s Bing. Read on to see how the day played out…
9:00 – Woken up by alarm. Groggily reach for laptop. Straight to http://www.bing.com. No matter what happens later, I guess I should start the same way as I did for Google, and ask – “what should I do first thing in the morning?” The first search result is a very weird bodybuilding site, with a huge paragraph of text to read on morning exercise routines.
9:08 – Took a while to get through all that. As the author of the piece concluded that he would “get on (his) stairmaster” every morning, I’d best do the same. Seeing as I don’t actually have one, I’ll have to use good old-fashioned regular stairs and just run up and down those.
9:40 – Morning workout complete, I’m bloody knackered. And the neighbours probably didn’t appreciate my storming up and down the stairs solidly for over half an hour at nine in the morning. Anyway. Bing – “what should i do after exercise?”
This search takes me to a site which tells me exactly what to do after exercising, in fact, ten things. This of course means I must do all of them.
1. Rest. 9:45 – YES. Back to bed. Thank you internet. Fifteen minute power nap coming my way.
2. Stretch. 10:00 – I feel like this would have been better before the nap. But anyhow. Best do what it says.
3. Cool down. 10:10 – This aparently involves “Continuing to move around at a very low intensity for 5 to 10 minutes”. To be honest, that’s pretty much my normal state of existence.
4 and 5. Eat Properly and Replace Fluids. 10:20 – I am going to have to digress from the list for a second here to ask what to eat…
So, Bing, “what should I have for breakfast?” To my horror, I get the exact same result as when I asked Google before: Eggs, wheat toast, half an orange (or any fruit) and an 8oz glass of milk.
It wasn’t exactly haute cusisine last time, but I’ll have to make it again. Back in a bit.
10:50 – Demolished that. All that running up and down stairs worked a treat for my appetite. So now, as promised, back to the list of “things to do after exercise”.
6. Try active recovery. 10:41 – According to the site, this is all about “easy gentle movement to improve circulation”. I’ll slowly wave my arms about a bit or something. Ridiculous.
7. Have a massage. 10:45 – NICE. The list recommends self-massage… Not sure what to expect when I type this in, but Bing: “what is self massage?” I get this very handy article telling me exactly how to massage my shoulders, feet, hands and abdomen. Very weird.
And the next one is…….
8. Take an Ice bath. 11:00 – NO. I really don’t want to do this. At all. This is testing the limits. Its mid-November. It’s not an ideal time to be running a cold bath. However, in the name of frivolous internet experiments, Im going to do it.
11.10 – Bath full of cold water. Time to take the plunge. Wish me luck.
11: 15 – So. Fucking. Cold.
So to finish the so far awful list of things to do after exercising…
9 and 10. Get lots of sleep and avoid over training. 11:20 – The second one here is not really something to do, and I have already been told to rest within these ten steps. I probably wasn’t supposed to do all of those things. The best part of my morning is now over.
So far, Bing is rubbish. Part Two to follow!